Monday, September 23, 2013

Destiny is for Losers

Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't ever lose weight. It's like I was destined to be fat forever. I feel that I try my best and it doesn't do any difference. A few pounds come off but they just come back, and they bring friends. I'm tired of it.Why do I struggle so much?

The past couple years I have been incredibly lazy. I never wanted to work out. I didn't even wanna get off the couch! Why go for a walk when I'm so comfy sitting here playing on Facebook? Even when I had friends to motivate me, I would make up excuses to not work out. Kristie asked me every day to go on a walk with her. And for a few weeks, I did go. But eventually I started making other plans, and LYING about plans just so I didn't have to go for a walk. Part of the reason was because it was so damn hot, I didn't even want to be outside. Most of my problem was that I was just lazy. I just didn't want to do it!

Another problem I have had in the past is a food addiction. I am an EXTREMELY picky eater. I hate just about every vegetable out there, and I dislike most meat. Fruit is great, but I can't say I would prefer to eat an Orange over Sour Patch Kids. If I could eat bread and pasta my whole life, I would.
It wasn't until recently that I've been able to overcome this food addiction. My stomach has shrank drastically, and I have learned when to say no. I have not; however, been able to say no to Pizza. There are just some things I cannot give up. I love soda and pasta! And while I am okay with cutting back, I can't throw it away. And what am I suppose to eat in it's place?
Anyone who prefers this vegetable cauliflower crap over real pizza is just nuts.

There is pretty much never a time in my life that a delicious cheesy pizza doesn't sound good.
For the most part, I am over the food issue. Sometimes I spoil myself, and I still drink soda on a regular basis; although not NEARLY as much as I use to. But I have found some simple things that are helping change my diet a little bit at a time. I read tips here and there on how to enjoy healthy food, and how to find simple replacements.

My laziness is something I still having trouble getting over. Yeah, I work out, but there is just no way that I'm pushing myself as hard as I should be.

I really love this, and I say it to myself over and over, but it's just not enough to keep me going when I feel like quitting. 

Convincing myself to do something has never been more difficult! I want someone to be there pushing to go harder. Someone I don't know personally, and someone I'm not trying to impress. Hiring a trainer is obviously not in the cards, due to my temporary lack of funds, so I'm in a bit of a predicament. Does anyone have tips that will help me push myself harder? I've always been jealous of my brother because he gets to go to MMA everyday. He gets to work out and be pushed hard, and now hes buff. Not fair. Maybe once I've settled in here better, I will start join a gym in which I can learn to fight like he does. 

In the meantime I have taken several small steps to help keep active. I like to stretch at night and in the morning. When I'm laying around watching Breaking Bad, I'll do leg lifts or hold my arms out straight for as long as I can. Sometimes I do silly things, like spend an entire evening lunging anywhere I walk throughout the house. I like to park in the back of the parking lot to get a few extra steps. These things aren't going to burn all my fat away over night, but doing small things like this in addition to a regular workout routine are definitely advantageous.

I'm really getting tired of feeling so lazy. I wish I was one of those people who liked working out. 
Slowly, but surely I am going to be that person. I refuse to believe that this is the body I have to have forever. I cannot be destined to a life in the fat lane! 

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